|The Writer Nazrana Azim Chaudhry, Guwahati, India|
Let death lull me into a sleep where pain hurts no more…….
Where strengths and weakness makes no difference,
Where smiles and sorrows means nothing,
Where longing and desires do not enter,
Let the curtain fall for once and cover me forever…………!!!
Few days ago I met a soul who calls her hospital cabin a "waiting room" full of dullness. She is terminally ill and wants to appeal for Euthanasia. Her decision was enough of a blow for her aggrieved parents who were already dealing with the tragedy. Nothing in this world can ever prepare a parent for the death of his/her child. And here she was vying for it……..
I personally feel that life in itself is enough of a cause worth fighting for!
One should fight till the end, no matter how ugly the battle is! Isn’t it what life wants from us and is all about? But then why some people choose death when survival is an instinct present in every human being? In her case, I thought it was her pain --- physical and mental and so she wants to hasten the process which will eventually find her.
My apprehension got a better share of me, but leaving every fear behind I went to meet her. And also, I made it clear to myself that I will not try to convince her for anything, she is already in pain, beyond my understanding.
After spending few hours with her I understood, she wants euthanasia not because she wants to die nor to silence the severe pain…….. but, she lost herself to her fading “will to survive” and it has nothing to do with courage.
EUTHENASIA a relatively new term for medically assisted suicide and comes with an option too, one can even go for a slower death and opt for PASSIVE EUTHENASIA, where the patient is denied any medical support. There are legal obligations to get the permission.
While walking through the corridor leading to her room, I warned myself not to be sympathetic but just be a friend, who came to listen to her. And I did listen to her and also shared mine too. I don’t know what she will decide, but for the time being I borrowed some time from her ……. And all I did was, I acknowledged her condition and laughed at her decision ………… she too laughed along with me!!!
“Wrinkling her nose she told me that she has an intense dislike for the color white---- its dull and monotonous and she hates when she sees a bunch of white lilies tied with a ribbon”
I smiled and told her that I feel like puking and nauseous whenever I see marigold, although it’s only a flower and I am a diehard fan of flowers.
“She nodded her head in understanding”.
Our reasons may be different but somewhere the pain is same.
Frail body, diluted eyes,
Borrowed breaths, shaky grip,
Silent words, closed lips,
Sterile air, vinyl floor,
She is alive tells the beeping monitor....
Suppressed cries, wishful prayers,
Fading life, advancing decay,
Helpless desires, vagaries of life,
And her will to vanish magnifies....
Questioning faces, useless replies,
Motiveless advices, senseless courage
Hopeless urges, faulty pleas,
Ignored needs, meaningless claims,
Her caretakers could hardly measure the pain.
Mutilated spirit, vengeful sorrow,
Broken smile, defeated will
Raising bile, pinching nausea
All she wanted was euthanasia...